A Letter to MILs — Mother-In-Laws
On the whole, I don’t think prospective wives set out to be bitchy daughters-in-law. I don’t, however, think the same can be said about mothers-in-law. FYI I’m talking very specifically about South Asian MILs, Indian, Pakistani, Bangladeshi, Tamil, Sri Lankan, you get the picture. That’s not to say western MILs get let off, I’m sure they’re just as mental but I simply don’t have the experience. Also “Indian” (generalising here) MILs have a next-level kind of craziness that comes from their cultural backgrounds.
You see back home there still remains a very real cultural reality that daughters become the property of their in-laws after marriage, I call this the village mentality. But when you’re dealing with young, educated, financially independent daughters-in-law born and bred in the western hemisphere you gotta get your thinking right. Seriously the level of toxicity, manipulation and plain bat shit crazy behaviour that comes out of these women is mind-boggling. Indian dramas (think Eastenders or Everyone Loves Raymond on illegal steroids) need to be banned unless they can vet viewers for any pre-existing psychotic tendencies. They need to stop giving MILs ideas.
“Performing black magic on your daughter in law is seriously unhinged. Stealing from her house because you think everything belongs to your son anyway makes you a bloody thief. Trying on her engagement ring saying “ I should have it instead” is uncomfortable.”
Marriage is a contract between husband and wife but you know what would be hugely beneficial is getting the MIL especially those with a village mentality to sign their own declaration, or at the very least read the letter below:
Dear Mother in Law,
I will soon be your daughter in law and my intention is to enter this union with an open heart and willingness to become part of your family. I have no intention to cause animosity between you and your son, nor will I feel jealous if your son buys you something nice. I have no hidden agenda, I’m a nice person.
I’m also someone’s else’s daughter, please don’t forget that I too have a mother who gave me life and raised me. I don’t come to you as a broken person, in fact, I’m complete. I have family, I have friends, I already have existing supportive relationships to which I have just added your son. Now this following line will sound harsh but it’s just a warning to any weird, festering, psychotic thoughts that may be brewing inside your head.
“I don’t need to validate my position to you, I have a life which has flourished without you, my life doesn’t need you, you need me.”
So don’t go out of your way to piss me off. Don’t tell me my job is to cook and clean for your son no matter how he treats me. Don’t expect me to put up with shit just because you did, I am not an extension of you. My sole purpose in life is not to cater to you and your entire family. I married your son, you didn’t hire me from liveinhousemaid.com.
If he gains weight after marriage it’s not because “ his wife doesn’t cook for him” it’s because he’s a lazy fat turd that eats too many doughnuts. Don’t blame me for your son’s faults, they were there long before me. Yes, I have chosen to marry your son but please keep your everlasting praise of your own children to a minimum. There may come a time I will consider returning him to sender and hearing how grateful I should be that he cleaned himself that day isn’t going to make me like you. Remember I am another woman dealing with the shit you failed to address when raising your oh so beloved son. Cut me some slack, if you know your son can be an absolute animal admit it, it won’t kill you to do so.
Don’t threaten to tell your son to marry someone else just because I refuse to do as I am told. Lady, you have absolutely no right to demand anything from me, your demands start and end with your son. I do not belong to you, never have and never will if you play the village MIL card. Don’t ever attempt to break my marriage up or harm my children with poisonous words because that kind of behaviour will ensure your swift removal from our lives. I’ll also reserve the right to punch you in the face and then claim it’s a mistake. Gotta learn from the best right!
With all this said let’s go back to the beginning, I’m not a bad person and I have no intention of snatching your fully grown 30 plus ‘baby boy” away from you. Take one step towards me and ill take 10 towards you. How this relationship pans out is entirely in your hands, cherish me and your life will benefit tenfold. I will welcome your advice, conversation and words of wisdom just don’t be a bitch about it. I know you may have had a hard life and a miserable marriage but seeing to it that I have the same won’t give us a common ground. I don’t come from a “that’s just the way things are” timezone, girls are no longer raised to believe their husbands and in-laws are the be-all and end-all. If bitterness and resentment are so great within you that being a bitch is a necessity then take up foot smashing.
“Whenever you get the urge to say something nasty and unwarranted just go right ahead and smash your foot into a door.”
Trust me it will work wonders and you may even find yourself open to thinking less horrid thoughts and replacing them with normal desires like rekindling a life for yourself. One that may involve going out with your daughter in law and having a pleasant time.
