There is a chance your wife will want a divorce after having a baby.
There is no doubt hormones will play a part in a woman's spiraling emotions pre and post-birth. However, a complete lack of care and preparation from one's husband or partner is inexcusable. Men will never understand what’s it’s like to have a baby, and for that, they can not be blamed as God or evolution did not burden them with the biology. The only thing we women can demand is a fraction of understanding.
That “but you didn't tell me to wipe my ass” mentality has to go.
Husbands and partners, you too will experience the kind of exhaustion that is incomprehensible but trust me when I say it will not be comparable to what your wife is experiencing. When you doubt this fact, remember.
“your body wasn’t used to create a life and then literally ripped apart before being given a life to sustain.”
Helping your wife not resent the f**k out of your existence isn’t rocket science. It’s what we women like to call being able, you know, the opposite of useless. It’s so easy to be helpful, even if this concept was void from your upbringing. Check this out…If you’ve never cooked or cleaned, then prepare to learn or organise people to cook for you to ensure your wife doesn't go hungry. Get a cleaner. If you’ve never made the mother of your child a cup of tea, learn how to boil a bloody kettle. When your house is full of people, gifts, and food, don't leave your wife in another room tucked away, feeding the baby alone, while you sit and enjoy the company and conversation. Maybe she would like some company? It doesn't have to be you. Ask if she wants someone to sit with her.
When those two weeks of paternity are over, and you get to go back to your life,
“remember that when your wife gave birth to a new life she simultaneously lost her own.”
While your on that tube, perhaps reading or listening to something, remember she is at home living groundhog day on no sleep. She won’t get to go out on a lunch break with friends and have a moment to sit and eat with absolutely no interruption at all. In fact, she probably won't even of had the chance to feel fresh air on her face, let alone a cleanser or clean clothes. Surprisingly, these things can make a person feel low, recognise that and if you feel really brave, try and (here’s that word again) help. Maybe a quick call to friends or family to see if anyone can visit? Being alone with a newborn day after day, not knowing when things will change or get better, is hard, but small acts of kindness can make all the difference.
Don’t be the constant reminder of how much her life has changed. Please don’t leave her within the first month of your child's life to have a boys night, don't get back home late because you’re going for a quick drink with friends. If your wife is having friends over, don’t use this as an excuse to flea as quickly as possible to see your own friends. Be selfless and consider taking the baby for a few hours, so your wife has a fighting chance of having a conversation and perhaps a little bite to eat. Simple acts like going out for dinner or seeing friends, or having a moment alone will seem so unachievable to her for a while.
“This isn’t forever, so for god's sake just try and understand and don’t be a ‘but you didn't ask’ shithead idiat.”
If you’re lucky enough to travel abroad for work, this very situation could be absolute dynamite for any resentful feelings brewing inside your wife. Once again, this stems back to her happy go lucky life no longer existing. The thought of you sleeping (uninterrupted) in a fresh, clean bed, having a hotel breakfast, talking to fellow adults in another country will be a knife to the heart. The best way to avoid this resentment is to avoid leaving your wife to stew in utter isolation and exhaustion. Talk to her about getting people over and arranging for a sibling, parent, or anyone who brings her comfort to spend some time with her.
Don’t expect your wife to ask you to be a decent human being, all you have to do is care. It’s not cool to know nothing about being a dad, it’s unattractive, being a selfish shithead is UGLY. There are expectations, and when you fail to deliver, resent will rise, so step the f**k up and be a parent don’t just sit there and watch.
“ Don’t be ugly be Dwayne the rock Johnson, he’s hot and man enough to be a husband and father. Aint no one telling him how to wipe his fine ass“
To all the wonderful husbands out there, thank you. All the useless babymen (if you’re unsure what a babyman is, stay tuned)pack your bags and go back to mummies house.
